How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His hands were made for my vagina.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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