Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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