so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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