Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
