It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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