He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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