I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
