Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
