He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
