The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
