I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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