"it" just moved
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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