Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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