i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
