Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
