Pants 0. Shit 1.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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