ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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