if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need moral support for this bender
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
