Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
