so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
