I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's shark week go big or go home
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
