That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
