Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
