HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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