I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
