Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
