Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
