my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
