so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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