Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
