Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
