Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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