she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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