last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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