i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
