wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Im part way to drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
