He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
