i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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