I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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