I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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