dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
