Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk is a universal language darling
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
