They should really pass out barf bags in church
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
