Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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