I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
