Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
