What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
