I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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