We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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