I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need help removing her.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
